family, Uncategorized

Dad

His suitcase a rainbow interior as he inspected his clothes with a fastidiousness reserved for the Mona Lisa.

Mom tried to hide his flaws with stories of bravado

I saw a vain, flirtatious and angry man

Her stories never compensated for the truth

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family, Uncategorized

Worlds in worlds

I have watched commercials of starving children and wished for a more beautiful face

I have watched men beheaded and wanted new shoes

I can’t rectify the images I see with the mundane of my life

I hear of abused children and go on a new diet

My heart breaks with every image until I am splitting apart

The cracks fractured like a mosaic

I split into pieces with every horror-filled story

My empathy runs like a cut artery showering the room red

It leaves me washed on the shore exhausted from the swim

I watch a school shooting and try to find the confidence to dwell in this skin

How do I navigate this world of horror and beauty

How do I find joy without being swallowed by the cracks

family, Uncategorized

Brave

Be brave is what I tell my daughter but I often forget to tell myself.

Constantly cultivate your dreams I tell my daughter but I forget to tell myself.

Strive every day to be your best self I tell my daughter but do I do this?

I know children do as you do and not as you say

So I start telling myself to be the person you want your daughter to be

Uncategorized

Names

Twilight Dawn is a label that requires confidence

My grandmother knew better than to give that name to a child whose voice already fluttered like a nervous curtain

A glowing red alias that would embarrass this quiet child to ash

Cooler, sober heads prevailed

Grandma branded me after herself

Maybe it was delusions of grandeur or simply the desperate desire to stay alive

I thank her for keeping the indignity of such a label that bore no resemblance to its potential wearer

I thank her for an elegant name

She is still alive everytime I write, say or hear

Sarah Joan